Tears…Posted: May 9, 2012
Do you ever just feel like crying for no apparent reason? It’s not like anything is particularly bad so that you have to shed a tear. Yet, everything is so completely ordinary that you are feeling a little sick of it.
I know better than to analyse my life as this shows up for me completely due to hormonal imbalance at the end of the month, but none the less, it is in this time when I am challenging my own existence and wondering: why all this?
I have been living mostly in Canada for the past 5 months. I haven’t really felt an impact of it as I would be in New York every 2-3 weeks for at least a week time. I also had my honey moon to Hawaii beginning of March for almost 10 days and all the wedding preparations kept me completely busy.
Now that the waters are calmer, I am beginning to feel a small sign of panic that the time is passing, that I am in a foreign land, that I am not working and generating income and that I am not creating my life and being inspired by it. For the first time, I understand the women who get married then wait for the next milestone, meaning, getting pregnant and having a child.
Sure, I want to have a child, but I would love to swing out and play and do something more. I want to build something, a career, a legacy, begin to do something and master it, I want to be known for something even if among a few people because I do it so well. And, I want my heart to be in it…and that is why I am crying… I have no idea where to start. Frankly, right this moment, I don’t even want to start.
Off for a walk. There is nothing like focusing on breathing to bring us back to the present moment.