Emptiness…Posted: May 23, 2012
I have a really important call in a few. I have been nervous all morning, trying to be calm. Didn’t work. I killed some time youtubing my favorite tunes and just typing some old familiar names and taking it to wherever the association would take me.
I have began to feel stuck. I don’t believe in envy, nor do I think that copying someone else’s life works. Almost everything respected in the universe has it’s own unique and original tone, yet… I am left wondering if I should have been more like others.
It’s one of those down times when every doubt hits you, that is now becoming overwhelming for me. I wonder. I am looking at why I left my home the first time. It almost feels like that every genius I have ever known has never traveled to far distances to find him/herself. Most people that got far, got far by staying where they were from the start and building from there. I have left my roots already twice. And am awaken today to mourn for the times missed.
I don’t want anyone to worry. Perhaps for that reason alone, I am not sharing this, but writing a blog. But I do wonder what would happened if I stayed. Some, perhaps foolish, part of me believes, that I would’ve build my own little world right there. Now, it feels like I am blown by the wind and shaken from every side.
Yet….something woke up in me today as I was listening to different music. I think what woke up was my own voice, a newly build muscle to sustain the challenge of every day and rise above it. I want to make a mark. Yes, there is more to life than we are taught. There is a humanity that I can feel in each person I choose to speak with. There is something about listening to each person and contributing to their light…and then there is more. There are things I don’t know how to say….but I can draw them….or I can sing them…
Ever thought of a dream you gave up? anything you just didn’t think you were talented enough to do that you want to do? Is there anything that I can do to contribute to your light?