I have coached numerous women in the past years with a very high satisfaction rate. One of the things I dealt with before last year when I created a relationship of my dreams and met the man of my life is: who am I to tell someone how to be about their relationship?
Even though I was mostly single in my life, given my life path, I have always yearned and wanted to make and have an amazing relationship. I have listened keenly to what men were saying about us, and I have been a shoulder to a lot of women. I studied film and psychology and have learned so much through studying Reiki and developing my coaching skills. I read everything by known relationship gurus out there, so even before I was in a relationship that was 100% fulfilling for me, I was able to believe I would have it – that it was just a matter of time.
I say this because commonly my friends who are single tell me that the advice I give them differs from the advice they are given by single women. Namely, “if he doesn’t call, drop him,” and “he should really do this, or be this way” are comments that may theoretically be well-intentioned but are typical of women who live from expectations as opposed to from their gut feeling.
How do you know who to listen to and what to do? Spend time in silence. Listen to your own guts. Even if you make a mistake this time around, it may be a mistake worth making. Sometimes, even if we loose, we need to know that we have gone all the way. Honor that. Remember, everything you do is getting you closer to what you say you are committed to. Don’t live in an expectation. Be out there, listen to your heart and take steps accordingly. At the end of the day, that will give you strength and a sense of completion.
It amazes me how many of us, women, focus on finding a perfect man for them. Our energy is completely dispersed outward. Namely, not only do we keep looking “out there” for the right person, we often take the person in front of us and work on changing that person to fit what we want.
You could hear insanity in this, yet most of us have done it and are guilty of such intentions.
What works and will never fail you is to focus all your energy on YOUrself. When you think of “the perfect man,” start imagining what his perfect woman would look like and then BE her.
If you want someone who is wealthy, look at your finances. Are you waiting for someone to be a quick fix for things that you have never been responsible for? If so, be sure that your relationship will fail or that you will be dominated.
I am not saying you need to be like the guy you want to be with, but don’t think you will interest a guy who is up to something if you are sitting at home and waiting. You don’t have to be up to the same things, but you need to honor and be great at what matters to you. Then, you will meet people who are up to something and are great at what matters to them. When you are both fulfilled, the chances are, the relationship will be fulfilling.
Don’t force a relationship to happen! Instead, allow it to happen! Don’t try to change men, change yourself to match who you dream of being… That is your access to having a powerful relationship.
I remember a while back, in dealing with a breakup, a friend of mine told me: “you don’t even think a real love is possible for you, do you?” And for the first time, I actually felt that happiness of that sort was such a distant fantasy, probably not to come true in this life time.
I made it my job to work on believing that the miracle can happen for me. In fact, I realized, too obsessed with other people’s love stories, I didn’t pay attention to what mine can look like. In trying to copy others, I was getting further and further from knowing what I wanted love to feel like.
No 1 rule: BELIEVE it’s possible for you to be with a partner of your dreams. Don’t focus on what he would look like, work on removing DOUBTS to that he is out there.
No 2 rule: Don’t COMPARE yourself to other people. You are not them and they are not you. You never know what happens behind the closed doors. Some people really have beautiful relationship, some people are just trained to be polite in public. Be careful what you wish for. I would never trade places with some of the couples I used to look up to. In fact, I used to think their love stories was the best one ever… until… Until I had my own… CREATE your own LOVE story
The most common mistake a woman makes is trying to create who she is in the eyes of her men or potential partner.
However, the most difficult, but the most rewarding and effective way to create who we are and have it “stick” is to do it with ourselves. If you love who you are, people around you will love you too. And if the man you like doesn’t respond to that, he is not the one for you.
How do you do this? Do mirror work. Take a moment every day to look at yourself in a mirror and start falling in love with your eyes, with your face, with your curves. First observe, but then express your love for yourself until it flows and its real.
WRITE – Start your journal where you celebrate all your achievements no matter how little or big they are. Share in your writings who you are and what you love about yourself.
Notice how the world around you responds. Do not react to the world, have the world react to you.
Here is my first tip…
I believe that we can all find love. I believe that being connected to another soul is available to all of us. I believe it’s possible. And, I believe that the way to accomplish that is create space in which love can occur.
I know, for me, many times I fell in love, it felt like it was going to be forever. Meeting someone and having my heart excited had me see a possibility at the beginning. Every single time, as days went by, I could see more distance than connections. Given my female nature, I would adjust fast and create myself as someone who really can create connection with these men. It is only in retrospect that I could see it as a mistake. But every single time, deep inside, I knew it wasn’t true. And the best indicator for that was my own experience, my own fear, my own feeling.
If you are seeking love, you are your most accurate instrument to finding the truth. Do everything to experience what is deep within, the gut feeling, the heart’s voice. You can mediate on it, you can paint or freewrite, but do it before you make big promises and throw around worlds of ‘forevers’ and ‘always’ as those words will later just stand in a way of recognizing true seeds of the love that can last. Don’t be afraid to seek the truth and say NO if what you see isn’t not “it”.
Ask yourself, in truth, “how deep is your love”
I originally started writing the blog to help people, especially women, deal with a broken heart. Shortly after, I created a relationship of my dreams, then got engaged and married, and being broken was a thing of the past. Mind you, how I dealt with it allowed me to have a relationship I now have, however, I was beginning to forget what it felt like.
Then, my grandma died and my heart was broken again. And this time, it was almost harder, because my relationship with grandma was empowering, loving and healing. So I had an opportunity to apply my wisdom of how to deal with broken heart yet again. What I found out is, these techniques I used in the past worked and were applicable in any situation.
I decided to go back to my original idea and help you deal with having your heart broken. I will write daily tips and suggestions that will help you in coping with sadness, loss and being alone. And if you have a particular question, or think your situation is unique, you can write to me or leave a comment and I will write about that.
Lastly, why I think I am an expert is because I am by nature stubborn. And when I dealt with these situations in my past, I kept looking to find a way out. I used different techniques, tools, schools of thought and noticed that some things always worked and some things never did. I also coached many many people out of hard situations which is what had me think that I should be contributing this to the world. I hope you find it useful and if you have suggestions and requests, please send them my way.
I went to visit mom in NY. I could feel an entire energy shift between her and myself after grandma’s passing. Mom shared an interesting thought: everyone should grieve on their own, it’s a personal thing. I thought about it. Something clicked where I was no longer under the impact of my sadness. I could be with facts. I could allow the truth to be. I could accept the facts. Grandma is not with me in the physical form and I can honor her whenever I want to. Her memory is with me and I am still around.
It’s almost like, allowing my heart to be broken, allowing the pain to come up, being willing to experience emotion that was truly there, allowed my heart to heal. And this quote from Rumi was so completely perfect. I know and see where my focus should be. And grandma, I love and honor you. Thank you for everything you are for me!