If I think of my life today, I am probably the biggest failure to most of my family and friends. As a straight A student, involved in drama, choir, math competitions, drawing class, sports, music school, English courses, I was a promising young girl. I was so inspired to be the best in most things and in many areas, I actually achieved it.
Then came adulthood, going to college, 2 years of pre-med and realization that I won’t be working as hard as I was to be something I didn’t want to be. So, I switched to Film/Media major. I went through school, then grad school and then I took some time doing things that actually were fulfilling: leadership courses at Landmark, Reiki Master program at Center of Living light, I practised yoga and went to Vipassana 10 day silent retreats religiously – every year.
In many ways, I was surrounded by people to whom I constantly had to explain my choices. And, although my achievements weren’t extraordinary, I was on my own path. It seemed that I was fighting people around me to prove that I knew what I was doing, but I was actually fighting myself, my own insecurity and lack of confidence and trust that what I was doing was the RIGHT thing for me to do. When I look back, I can see one thing as a driving force: seeking perfection!
It was all good when I was younger and I could achieve results that were exceeding everyone’s expectations. But, how in the world was I supposed to achieve and maintain perfection in my 30’s? I realized, the very drive to be perfect is what actually STOPPED me in life. I’d spend hours and hours writing, drawing, even doing something as simple as creating a website, or putting an ad together for my coaching, reiki or alike and I would just take FOREVER! When I was working 2 jobs in New York City and had a program to lead at Landmark, the mere having to fit everything in 24 hours I have every day was causing me to accomplish things and move them forward. But, when I created my own business and started creating my own hours, it began to occur to me that no time was ENOUGH time. And I got it: whatever time I have, I will easily spend perfecting things before I put them out there for people to “react,” “judge,” and “say something about.” And, to avoid being vulnerable and dealing with criticism, I shrunk. I played small, if you will.
So, I declare the game of perfection OVER (complete, done)! Taking on having my life make a difference for myself and others and making mistakes that I need to make to learn what I need to know. Please, share with me what you see stops you from being in the “court” of life and in the game that matters to you?
Lot’s of love!!!!
I can’t stress enough to women around me how important it is that we pursue our passion in life. I have just given “coaching” to one of my friends to speculate on what she would use her life for if she was never to meet the right guy. Yes, she was first afraid not to manifest being alone and send wrong messages to God, but soon she realized my point and took it on.
Namely, when almost 2 years ago, I had a realization that I may end up single forever, I took a moment to think of my life and what I would do. I could see my life being of service and a complete contribution to people on the planet. I could see myself being a modern Gandhi and really taking steps to support humanity. It made me peaceful that it was a life worth living.
I think today, women very often forget their goals when they meet a guy. It is in our nature to be flexible and adjust to the environment. So when the right guy comes alone, it’s even more likely that we will be all over the place if we are not already clear on what we want to do and have our life be for.
I know love has a strong pull – I am happily married, but what I think empowers me the most is the thought that we never know what tomorrow will bring…and making sure we are ok on our own 2 feet is the most empowering way to approach a relationship. Frankly, that makes us more fun for our partners.
More to come…. Enjoy the week and take some time thinking about what lights you up!
I have found it so hard to actually write in the past few days given the storm and all the news and with overwhelming number of people I wanted to make sure were ok. I remember September 11 in New York and the feeling of sadness and lethargy at the same time. I noticed, with age and experience, I am more in tune with the overall vibe and I no longer have a tendency to try and cheer people up. Not because I don’t believe that happiness is a state of mind but because being cheered up and happy isn’t the same. And in times like this, when people lost lives, some lost homes or at least the comfort of their own home (electricity, hot water, etc), I think we need to tune in and listen. I think we need to just be there, be present. I think we need to give hugs and be compassionate. There may or may not be something to do, help with, be a part of, but for the most part, in times like this, it’s not so much about what we DO, it is about who we BE.
I find this to be a very crucial training for every woman. I have coached many women on their relationships and the most annoying thing ever is when “she” just can’t be. There is always something to do, things to push through, places to get to. This is a very masculine trait. It isn’t bad, it isn’t wrong, it is just overwhelming sometimes and especially in times of grief, loss and sadness.
As women, we are natural survivors. We have all the skills to nourish people around us. If we stay present, we unlock the secrets of our own abilities and, with that, we may unlock another heart.
Take time today to just be with what is happening. Allow yourself that piece of humanity. I am not saying don’t be goal driven and ambitious, or to take your foot off of the gas pedal. I am only saying, take some time to just BE and notice what opens up.
Sending love and healing to all effected by the storm and keeping the prayer that everyone is supported the best way that works for them.