I think I was drilled about what integrity is at Landmark more than at any other place (inside of my training as an assistant and then leader of introductions and programs). Most people who have gone through Landmark will get what I mean. I love definition that Landmark gives: Integrity is honoring yourself as your word, the state of being whole and complete. Notice, it says: the state of being whole and complete.
NEWS FLASH!!!! No one can tell you what that is for you. Not your parents, not your teachers, coaches or friends. We are all very much the same and also very unique and I believe it is crucial for us as humans to discover what brings us to the state of being whole. So, while you want to train yourself to operate inside of your promise (what you say), I think it is far more important to honor your promises: be in communication when you are not going to make it and fully responsible that other people counted on that and how they were impacted by it.
One of the things I discovered for myself is that what has me be whole and complete is having a say. Namely, I noticed I mostly worked for others, and belonged to groups and organizations and when things didn’t agree with me, I would either accept or disagree and leave. More times than not, I have grappled with saying ugly truth to people who are in authority and it is only when I was willing to stand up for what I believe, for my own integrity with myself, that I was beginning to get my real power. Namely, as much as there is an impact of me disagreeing with people in power, my teachers, coaches etc, one thing is for sure: the courage to go through with it and be true to myself is way bigger and more powerful than anything else.
I charge you with taking a step up today towards your own truth. Stand up for it! You are worth it. I believe we are all here for a reason and this would be the way to realize what that is. And if you are wrong, you can apologize, step back, and deal with an impact, but I beg you, BE TRUE TO YOU. If you do that, you will be whole, whole inside of who you are and how you think. Note: I am not saying: put your mind and all your complaints on a loudspeaker. I don’t mean that. I mean, when something is truly eating you inside and it is unresolved, start speaking your truth with commitment to your own wholeness and completeness. The world will be your oyster and your goals at your reach
“When you’ve said all of the bad things and all of the good things you haven’t been saying, you will find that what you’ve really been withholding is, “I love you.” You don’t have to go looking for love when it is where you come from.” -Werner Erhard
It does sound like it should be awfully easy to be in a relationship if LOVE can be created this way. Mind you, LOVE is created in communication, much like Erhard quoted above, but to be in a relationship, the necessary ingredient is commitment. I see way too many women (and men) struggling to make a relationship work where there is no actual commitment on the side of their partner. This always begins with small disagreements, then nagging, then slight to chronic dissatisfaction and then we become victims of those relationships that are bound to end at some point…
Instead, why don’t we just acknowledge love that is there and keep looking for the actual commitment. When someone commits to loving us, the whole new world opens up and life is never the same. Without that, love is just a space. Without commitment, love is not going to carry the day….So, if you are struggling, but are clear you are in a relationship where there is no commitment, cut it loose. Create love and move on to find what you are looking for.
It is when I decided that my life was going to be worth something even if I remained single forever that relationship and a real commitment was possible for me. It is when I committed to myself that my now husband was able to commit to me. Start with yourself 🙂
Happy Valentines and share your story, get support from a friend or a coach…don’t dwell on it on your own. Every minute counts!!!