Remembering….

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My grandma would be 78 this month.  She left this earth last year in July.  This was, by far, the biggest loss I have ever experienced in my entire life.  And sure, over time, I accepted the fact and stopped consistently crying at the injustice that she would be gone so early, but it’s been such a missing for me in the past couple of months.  

I have been dreaming of her every night since before my move to Florida.  I’d enjoy the ride through the Sunshine with my husband and I would look at the sky and just so completely miss her.  Perhaps that is the reason that she has been living in my dreams.  I guess, since I got pregnant, I sleep more and I have more dreams than usual.  And for the past few weeks I have consistently dreamed of grandma being alive and with me, assuring me that she will keep on living while I am haunted by my fear that she would die.

I wonder if there was anything left unsaid.  I simply can’t see it.  She knew everything there was there to know for as long as she was with us.  I was hoping to see her one more time but I waited too long for her to be able to wait for me.  

I don’t have an advice in this blog.  I simply wanted to offer compassion to all of you who are dealing with a loss and let you know that I understand.  There is no day that went by that I didn’t acknowledge that I miss my grandma… I am grateful that she’s been with me for over 30 years and that I got a chance to get to know her better than my cousins.  I find that to be a blessing.  And I still miss her and hope she can hear me when I talk to her at night and that she can read the letters that I keep on writing to her.  

I love you grandma…. I hope your spirit hears me and knows how much you are loved 🙂

 

 

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