Remembering….Posted: May 5, 2013
My grandma would be 78 this month. She left this earth last year in July. This was, by far, the biggest loss I have ever experienced in my entire life. And sure, over time, I accepted the fact and stopped consistently crying at the injustice that she would be gone so early, but it’s been such a missing for me in the past couple of months.
I have been dreaming of her every night since before my move to Florida. I’d enjoy the ride through the Sunshine with my husband and I would look at the sky and just so completely miss her. Perhaps that is the reason that she has been living in my dreams. I guess, since I got pregnant, I sleep more and I have more dreams than usual. And for the past few weeks I have consistently dreamed of grandma being alive and with me, assuring me that she will keep on living while I am haunted by my fear that she would die.
I wonder if there was anything left unsaid. I simply can’t see it. She knew everything there was there to know for as long as she was with us. I was hoping to see her one more time but I waited too long for her to be able to wait for me.
I don’t have an advice in this blog. I simply wanted to offer compassion to all of you who are dealing with a loss and let you know that I understand. There is no day that went by that I didn’t acknowledge that I miss my grandma… I am grateful that she’s been with me for over 30 years and that I got a chance to get to know her better than my cousins. I find that to be a blessing. And I still miss her and hope she can hear me when I talk to her at night and that she can read the letters that I keep on writing to her.
I love you grandma…. I hope your spirit hears me and knows how much you are loved 🙂