I have received my first Angel Cards this Christmas from my amazing husband. I have wanted to have them more than 4 years ago when my friend Ida used to generously share her deck with me. In fact, Ida and I would use the cards occasionally to be guided for some of the most important questions in our lives. For me those were about getting my green card and being free, meeting the love of my life, wondering about my career path, etc…pretty major stuff for me at the time.
You may wonder, if I wanted the cards so badly, why didn’t I ever buy them for myself. It’s not like I couldn’t afford a deck of cards that ranges from $15-50 on Amazon. The reasons I haven’t picked the cards ever before are the same reasons that often stopped me in living my life to the fullest: indecisiveness (which kind to pick from a few that seemed really interesting and appealing) and, not owning what I want but doing what I should want. The first reason is obvious and is a clear barrier to having anything in life, yet I do believe that, in my case, it has only stopped me because there was a real gap between what I really wanted and what I thought I should have wanted. Not owning my desires had me, by default, get things that didn’t make me happy or somehow left me unfulfilled.
So this holiday season I celebrate one of my gifts as it is not only something I like (and I don’t have to back it up by million reasons as to why I really like it), but it’s a celebration of my personal confidence being taken to another level where I can stand up for what I desire without having to justify it. I am so completely grateful to my husband for always looking at ways to make me happy and letting me learn from them how to do so myself. Thank you for being my angel here on Earth
Ever done anything you are not really proud of? I have… and I have done it over and over again. While I think of myself as fairly smart and capable woman, there are things that seem simply beyond my control. And this makes me feel so fake, so ridiculously inauthentic. I spend days coaching people on how to accomplish their wildest dreams and then at night, I fail at the simple act of kindness with my closest ones.
Sure I’ve done ton of work, personal development, self reflection, self analysis, digging into the past, manifesting the future, etc. And although I think there were times when things were improved a bit, it’s like I take one step forward and then 2 steps back…
I have asked myself many times WHY? naturally, I have more than million justifications for why I am right and why my lack of being great is completely due to feeling criticized and mistreated or simply made feel stupid…Ah the victim I am….I am sure all of this is sounding like a bluh, bluh, bluh,….so…I won’t waste your time in writing this.
What do I do? I thought about it all night last night and all day today. I didn’t come up with a way to fix it. So, I decided, I will pray… I will send this over to higher powers (and besides God, these are people I love and have lost who are my angels above) and ask for their guidance. I am taking it one step at the time, breathing in and trusting my angels. And tonight I took my first step…FORGIVING myself for the things I have done that I am not proud of, for wrongdoing and hurting others intentionally or unintentionally, humbled by being a human at fault.
Sending you all good vibes!