Standing up for myselfPosted: January 4, 2015
I was getting a free hair cut in Miami beach. The lady that lives close to us needed models to practice her craft. When she started to cut my hair I noticed that her technique seemed good but her demeanor was a bit timid and shy. About 40+ minutes into it, I began to feel a bit uncomfortable. I was getting hot, needed water, and began to worry that this was not going to end well. At this point, she was still cutting 1/2 inch lengths from the back and I was wondering if she’d ever get to the front. I was messaging my husband crying for help. I kept thinking: “I am not paying for it, I should be grateful for whatever I get.” However, deep inside I was not at ease.
Finally, I tried bringing up my concerns as gently as I could (this is so unlike me as I am often unapologetic when I speak). At this point, she was getting that I was not happy and she was concerned. I was concerned for her thinking I would only get her in trouble if I spoke up. We went in circles. And then I stopped to ask where she was going with this. Noticing her facial expression I said: Please don’t worry! But she was still worried so I went on to acknowledge that she did a great job cutting my hair, that it just wasn’t how I liked it. I held her hand promising to look at where we were with this and communicate clearly what she should do next to fix it to my liking. That calmed her down.
When she got calm, the owner appeared and complimented my hairline and she then said to him: “what do you think I should do here”…and he took her scissors and began to teach her and run through my hair with confidence, all along acknowledging that I have great hair, that my eyes are great so he can open the front more, that my head is perfect so she can remove all the extra hair she was keeping there, and so on.
At first, I giggled almost uncomfortably as I get shy when people compliment me like that. But then I realized how good it felt to be complimented and that I actually agreed with him, but I had this shame about feeling good about myself. The way I learned was, it was better to be modest. So I forced the modesty upon me, and in addition, learned to suck it up until I get so mad that when I actually speak it’s not very pretty. I realized, how freeing would life be if I just owned my real thoughts, all the time, if I actually stood up for myself and for what I deserved and not try to shut myself down only to please others… If I came there confident that it was easy to cut my hair because she didn’t have to compensate for my shortcomings, maybe I wouldn’t have to sit through 2 hour haircut… And maybe, if I really stood for myself I would not go for a free cut but would pay for it and demand my money’s worth.
What a lesson I got from a simple event. There are many imperfections I have in my life, I definitely don’t need to downplay the things that work 🙂
Wishing you all to own up to what works about you and stand up for yourself!!! demand the best service and give the best of yourself!!!!