I believe that things don’t just randomly happen but are, instead, a manifestation of our fear, deep seeded issues that we are not resolving and often, our unwillingness to look beneath the surface and find our part in the situation at hand.
We didn’t “cause” Coronavirus – we don’t have godlike powers. But we all contributed. The panic that is settling in with some is not caused by the virus itself, the virus is merely revealing problems we all already had.
I notice, in my life, this situation only magnified the doubts and fears that were already there: knowing my younger one has, what doctors call, virus induced wheezing, knowing its beginning to be time to move to a different neighborhood and be closer to nature, wanting to earn more money and have more trust in my son’s education, our government and improve my communication with my husband such that we don’t waste time going back and forth when we disagree about something important.
These concerns were there already, and the arrival of this epidemic is just having me unable to look away. Tragedies (remember 9/11?) have a way of transforming people’s lives and letting them clearly see what matters most. Sometimes, we don’t know what matters until we don’t have it anymore.
So, to me, this is a time of self-reflection. I had a hard time explaining to people why I pulled my older one out of school last week and why we stocked up on food ahead of time and are minimizing exposure to the world outside of our own home. But I also hold myself accountable for my choices and consequences I have to face because of them. It is only fair that I make choices I can live with.
As a child, I often did things just in spite. Because I was smart and fast, I would do things both my way and other people’s way to prove that my way was better. But being right only cost me at the end. We all make mistakes but when we make them because someone around us wouldn’t shut up about it, the consequence of that is real anger that is hard to resolve after. We resolve the mistake we make ourselves much more easily, because we can own that we did the best we could even when that wasn’t good enough.
I noticed I was getting mad at the world for not understanding and approving of my choices. But the truth is, I have to live with the choices I make and therefore, it is up to me to make them. I don’t mind, and even encourage, other people’s views and reasoning as well as collaboration. I am not the smartest person and together, we always know more. But after a discussion and a good honest chat, I take charge for my life. \
It’s been an adjustment to look forward to Spring in New York unable to move with freedom we had only a few months ago without this virus scare. But I hope that this disruption in business as usual reveals all that isn’t working so that we can each do our part in repairing it. It’s important that we make choices we can live with, work to earn the lifestyle we are committed to, send children to the schools whose teachers and administration we trust, vote and elect people in government who can represent us and keep the dialogue open. It is important to never lose faith and to see the bigger picture, to ask: how is this working in my favor?
This isn’t advice to meditate and positive think our way out of this. I don’t believe that meditation and positive thoughts alone are sufficient to make the change we seek. I believe that putting the effort in alignment with our values is what matters and I hope this serves as a wakeup call for majority, because the majority can cause a paradigm shift, we all so desperately need. Life can be altered in a moment. In one second, everything can change without turning back. So, keep your minds rested, eyes open, thinking on and wash your hands. Step out of the daily survival and stand in the future you want for yourself, for your children, for the world.