Sometimes things that we get to be the best at are the things we struggled the most with. And while coaching can take one through thick and thin, there are moments when things are best left alone to just be as they are. When I feel I tried everything I knew to do to change a situation or create a different outcome after failing at it numerous times, I turn my attention to powers above. I simply think of God or angels in my life who are no longer with me and I ask for support. I do the ho’oponopono mantra a thousand times to just release the energy and get it down to zero. And most of all, I allow myself a good cry for feeling helpless. I then experience how vulnerable we are as human beings, how fragile life is and how little it matters that we be right when we don’t feel the love in our hearts. But, when I dig deeper and let myself stop fighting with my own demons, I get that love is there, but the heart is broken and the pain is causing me to tense up and react and be super protective. Because when the heart breaks, it aches, it hurts until it makes us numb and then we settle for less only to never feel that pain again. The pain, on another hand, is subjective and so long as we perceive it as pain, we fail to actually experience it as the sensation that it is. What does your heart break feel like?
Maybe, just maybe if we allow the sensation to be and give into it fully, we would not be hurt by the things we cannot change. We would notice how having something and then not having it anymore is just part of life and we would learn to roll with the punches and adjust to different stages of life. We would learn to give and to receive and to not take things for granted nor to expect of another anything other than what they are capable of and willing to give us. Our life would be filled with love and gratitude and there would be peace within in spite of the storm outside.
Breathing in deeply… Allowing myself to love and feel the pain… Forgive myself, forgiving others… Giving it all to God
Ever done anything you are not really proud of? I have… and I have done it over and over again. While I think of myself as fairly smart and capable woman, there are things that seem simply beyond my control. And this makes me feel so fake, so ridiculously inauthentic. I spend days coaching people on how to accomplish their wildest dreams and then at night, I fail at the simple act of kindness with my closest ones.
Sure I’ve done ton of work, personal development, self reflection, self analysis, digging into the past, manifesting the future, etc. And although I think there were times when things were improved a bit, it’s like I take one step forward and then 2 steps back…
I have asked myself many times WHY? naturally, I have more than million justifications for why I am right and why my lack of being great is completely due to feeling criticized and mistreated or simply made feel stupid…Ah the victim I am….I am sure all of this is sounding like a bluh, bluh, bluh,….so…I won’t waste your time in writing this.
What do I do? I thought about it all night last night and all day today. I didn’t come up with a way to fix it. So, I decided, I will pray… I will send this over to higher powers (and besides God, these are people I love and have lost who are my angels above) and ask for their guidance. I am taking it one step at the time, breathing in and trusting my angels. And tonight I took my first step…FORGIVING myself for the things I have done that I am not proud of, for wrongdoing and hurting others intentionally or unintentionally, humbled by being a human at fault.
Sending you all good vibes!