Uncertainty of Life

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I don’t watch or read news because I have a physical reaction to it.  I used to think this made me ignorant and uninformed but in my recent study about Highly Sensitive People (and children), I realized, I just can’t process bad news fast enough for it to be worth my time and energy.  Living in the USA for the past 25 years almost, I realized: every news worth knowing will be replayed ad nauseam anyway so there is not much one can truly miss.

Somehow, in spite of me being ill informed, I was one of the first people that responded to the COVID-19 virus spread in New York City.  Worried about my almost 4 year old who was born premature and had a case of wheezing for which he was hospitalized twice (both time in April, last year and the year before that), I was in mild terror that we may be witnessing another similar experience.  Watching your child struggle to breathe and staring at the monitor with oxygen levels endlessly praying, meditating or trying to manifest a good outcome is not something I wanted repeated, so I took my chances and convinced my husband that we should keep both of our kids at home until we know more about what is going on.

More than a month ago, we isolated in our own New York City apartment because that seemed the most sensible thing to do.  We both work from home, our older was set up for homeschooling and the younger one kept keeping us on our toes with his, almost constant, need of attention.  I had a strong feeling that the world was facing a problem that will take weeks, months and perhaps an entire year or so to solve.  I didn’t panic, I was just aware.

I tried to keep things normal in all the ways that made sense: we could still do work, make sure our son is doing school work, give activities to our younger one, make meals on time, put kids to bed early enough so we can all be rested.  We upped our vitamine intake and meditation, and some moments alone so we can disconnect and recharge as having young boys at home can truly be draining.  Of course, in all the other ways, things were looking less, what we considered, “normal.”  The future was uncertain in a very obvious, palpable, in-your-face way.

The biggest joke of it all, however, is that life has always been uncertain.  Most of the stories we read or watch movies about are about the turning points in life when things stopped being one way and were suddently a differnt way causing the main character to undergo personal growth in order to survive or overcome the obstacle he/she was now facing.  Isn’t this life?  Why do we live like tomorrow is promised to us when there is truly no guarantee for it?

Intellectually, this made sense, but, at least for me, I didn’t really get it.  Not until I set with the discomfort of this thought and the new reality that made it unavoidable.  And, while terrifying at first, there was something magical arising from the knowing that we can’t control life.  We can’t control life and yet, life continues: the sun comes out every day, even when we can’t see it clearly through the clouds…We can’t control life but we can align with our breath, get present to it and feel the relief of the burdens we carry that aren’t even ours.  We can deepen our breath with intention to turn to more light, more life without standing in it’s way, finding the magic in the uncertainty.

 

Our Unique Gifts: the Responsibility We Have

 

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I was a curious child.  My mom had me explore the Larousse Encyclopedia before I started my elementary school.  I have no idea if the reason behind it was her personal love of reading and ambition or the fact that I showed signs of interest.  Regardless, when I sat in my first grade, while other kids around me were following the words with their fingers and stuttering, I was already a fluent reader.

My summer vacations were a huge part of my childhood.  I was blessed with the privilege of summer vacations in a family home built by my grandparents.  Even during those months filled with play an vitamin “sea”, my mom would religiously replenish my book pile every Friday so that I could continue to read and learn.

It is easy to think that some people are born gifted.  I was told that I was smart and talented too many times to count.  I don’t want to discredit it here: I think I was.  But for as long as I thought that my success in life came from my lucky gene, I was paralyzed and arrogant.  I expected to be noticed and discovered rather than powerfully taking steps to succeed and explore.  Working hard and putting in an effort seemed embarrassing and as an antithesis to my inate ability.  On another hand, I was never acknowledged for the times when I did put in the work.  The credit went to God, or my nature – not my efforts.

I had a quick text exchange with my 6-year-old’s school teacher this morning after she sent out a message to parents that most of the kids failed the spelling test and had their homework incomplete today.  I knew my Adrian was not among those kids as both my husband and I hold ourselves accountable that his work is done and that he goes to school prepared.  We do this because our son thrives on being prepared and doing the work allows him the confidence to embrace school as an opportunity and not a chore.  While he is definitely a smart kid, I make sure I praise his effort and not his “gene.”  For as long as he knows he put in his best effort, he can embrace both failure and success, even if he prefers the latter.

What I know to be true is that successful people are those who put in the effort not the whiners who sit on sidelines and complain that life is unfair or wait to cash in their gift without moving an inch. How crippling it must be to have a gift and try to milk it while consistently witnessing failures because you don’t put in the effort that is necessary to nurture and share them with others?  We all come with unique gifts.  However, nobody succeeds without effort,

It helped me a great deal when my Family Constellation mentor Suzi Tucker shared with me that my gifts don’t come from me, but through me and that gifts that are unexpressed can become burdens. This allowed me to shift the context and look deeper into what was unique to me with responsibility to put in the effort necessary to nurture, grow and share it with the world, with people that wanted what I had. Suddenly, I stopped feeling overwhelmed by them but organized myself to humbly do the work to embrace and expand what I was born with, giving me sense of purpose and North Star when I open my eyes in the morning.

This allowed me to put my ego aside, to clearly see what was on or off my path, to let my fears dissipate and stand my ground unbothered.

What are your unique gifts and how do you honor them with effort?

The Way Out is Through

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Triggered by some of the international news, I wanted to share some wisdom that not only helped me overcome some huge obstacles in life but that helped countless people I know overcome some really harsh realities.

More than a decade ago, I attended a course in which, reflecting on my life, I realized that I have the ability to own all the choices I made in life whether I was aware of it at the time or not. This wasn’t an easy switch to make, but it was a complete state change for me.  Once you get that no matter what happens to you (which you cannot control), you can choose how you react to it, you lose the desire to dwell in being a victim of your circumstance.  To clarify, you can be a victim of the crime because something physically did happen to you (this is a legal terminology) but you don’t have to be a victim of the freedom to choose what you do about it (fight for justice, walk away and focus on something else, go to therapy to release it, etc).

This is much easier said than done.  We are complex beings and mostly, we are really not choosing unless we are intentional about it.  What is determining our feelings and thinking is, in large, not just a response to what already happened to us, but the cultural conditioning we were raised inside of.  Said another way: nobody thinks clearly by default, everyone is always seeing things from the filter of their own past, conditioning, environment etc.  Our conversations in life are, for the most part, like one constructed ego arguing with another about who is wrong and who is right.  The truth is always, both are right to feel and think how they think because their conditioning is valid, but both are wrong in reality because neither is really coming from an actual source of who they are and arriving at their conclusions freely.

This is a massive “mind-bend” if you ask me.  If we know that we are so pre-programmed, how do we get out of it?  It is a bit like that Chinese toy that looks like a cylinder in which you can stick your finger in each side.  When you try to pull your fingers out, the cylinder tightens and your fingers get stuck.  To get unstuck, you need to push your fingers inside towards one another, contrary to logic in a way, and that widens the opening of the cylinder and lets your fingers free.  Said bluntly, “THE WAY OUT IS THROUGH.”

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In the past 15 years or so, having done so many self reflective types of work on myself and having gone through the grinder with it, I realized:  the work on ourselves is never done.  We never really arrive at the enlighetment or top of the mountain that doesn’t instantly takes us back to feeling the impact of our ego or seeing the bottom of another mountain.  Working on ourselves is like dealing with dirty laundry, it’s never done.  You do a load and fold it up/put away and then you go to bed and put whatever you wore back into the bin to pile up until you can wash your clothes again.  If you are thinking you can just stay naked to avoid that, notice you would be a victim of laundry being done which doesn’t really give you a lot of freedom to do other things now, does it?  (I just went there myself btw.)

It is impossible to always be perfectly ON, “woke”, clear and so on.  It’s just not how humans are designed and how life works.  But there is a real difference between knowing we are flawed as people and letting the people off the hook.  It is not ok to hold people against the standard we set for them (Example: being annoyed at your man for not bringing you flowers you never asked him to bring you, expecting him to read your mind that he should do this or that for your anniversary when that was neither your request nor something you did in the past that would prompt him to think of it).  However, it is ok to look at people in organizations, roles and jobs that have a set way of operating and hold them to their standard (Example: when Whole Foods tell me they would deliver food between 12-4pm and they deliver it at 5pm, I call them on it and ask for some compensation for their impact on my day and time.  I don’t do that because I am mean, I am holding them to the promise they made and nothing other than that).

We have to allow this to be a learning curve for all.  Everyone will at some point in their life be late even if it was impossible to them to avoid it (tragedies happen, circumstances can be beyond our control).  It is up to us to own that regardless of what caused our lateness, that we were late.  Trying to gain sympathy for the unavoidable, while completely human and legit, cheapens this bond to our promise and if we let ourself go down that rode, there is no coming back.

With the most recent work on self-discovery, I realized that even most emotional of events, if we don’t release them, can hold us hostage.  This is such a difficult conversation to have because people are so protective of their wounds – and rightfully so.  I think that over time, we covered up so much of our personal pain that when someone asks us to let it go, it is like asking us to give up the only thing we know.  If that is all we know, we grow comfortable with it and start defining ourselves accordingly so any disturbance to it or other people’s suggestion to let the pain go feels like a real threat.  It feels uncomfortable and unsafe, as unknown usually is.

Letting go of pain isn’t that simple because if we simply just let it go, we bypassed the enormous lesson that pain can bring us.  We ignore it’s lesson.  If something bad happened to us, we can’t avoid that it happened.  We have to mine for it’s wisdom or we forever become a victim of it.  Is it true that this tragedy means this or that?  Of course not, but it’s a powerful way to reframe it and file it away such that our life doesn’t become about avoiding similar thing in a future.  And, while avoiding same thing from happening is wise and part of learning, if we focus on avoiding  X, then our life consequently becomes about X and avoiding it.  Our brains are designed to do just that, to mine for things that feel unsafe whether or not they are that in reality.  If they “seem” unsafe, we will worry about them just the same.  This is a great way to protect ourselves, but I ask, do you want to live a life of protecting yourself or actually being free and alive?

We can’t replay the pain or let it go, not at first.  I truly believe, and evidence in my life has shown me clearly, that we have to allow ourselves to experience it and to experience it fully.  To discover wisdom in adversity, tragedy or pain we feel around it, we need to allow it.  Allowing something to be drops our guard and resistence to it.  We can see where we feel it in our body.  Is our chest feeling tight, is there a lump in our throat, do we feel tongue tied or paralized from the waist down.  Where is the pain, or more specifically, where is the sensation you feel?  If we stay curious, plugged in and aware, we will inevitably feel peace in this process because when we don’t resist life, life just IS and when life just is for us, we are free.

Again, this isn’t easy and it’s not a one time deal.  I wish it was because I would write a manual and give people the key to living life powerfully.  It doesn’t work that way.  Life is not about arrival, about having something but about being something moment to moment, about discovering something day in day out and about continually arriving into the present moment because the truth is always and only in the present moment, in the NOW.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a very outgoing, bubbly, and a go-go-go type of person. I can talk miles an hour and be in that mode for days to come, and yet, I do my best work when I take a breath and light a candle and take a second to be where I am, to collect my attention from looking at the past or the future and see what is actually right in front of me.  Having 2 small kids definitely teaches me to be more present because when I am not, I am instantly reacting and getting resentful.  When we don’t feel good, it’s a sure sign we are not present.

I wrote this because I see news all the time and how some people take advantage of the tragic things that happened to them in the past.  Writing to anyone directly isn’t ok because they are not asking me for my view nor are they a request to change.   But I do feel compelled to share these things.  They are not of my own creation, but the years of learning and practicing things in my life and with my clients.  As with everything, wisdom doesn’t come from us but through us and that should be liberating for all of us.  We can see ourselves as being in a flow allowing us to channel the good and work through the debris.

Thank you for reading this to the end.  If you are pulled to do so or struggling with something that seems like an obstacle that cannot be overcome or feels to you like a real fork in a road, talk to someone, allow someone to witness you and share their wisdom or how they see it.  You don’t have to take their word for it, but stay in the inquiry.  We all make up things and see it through the filter of our own experience but when we see the filter, even for a moment, we can go beyond what is predictable and get into the magic of the unknown.  And if you have nobody that can listen to you in such way, write to me and I will support you through it as I did myself and many people in my practice.

Gratefully,

Marija

Roles We Play and Dreams We Set Aside

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I audited an advanced acting class last night here in New York City.  The class was highly recommended by a friend I trusted and so I went to check it out with no expectations.  But little did I know, my mind was flooded by memories.

The moment I decided, I was not going to be an actress was a moment my grandpa said: “you will be an actress like your mom.” I didn’t think he was a fan of my mom at the time, so I figured: I’d rather be liked.  The thing about decisions like these, that we make in childhood, are that they dictate what is possible for us but we are mostly unaware of them unless we deliberately look at why we are stuck where we are stuck.

Fast forward to school days, I was in drama and loved it.  I even played a daughter to a now accomplished actress.  We were both rewarded for it.  I loved being on stage, but even then, I knew I had to find something that would have higher approval ratings.  Naturally, I started college as Pre-Med.  I never really knew what I wanted to become.  I think I was searching for titles that sounded good more than I was searching within for what would have me come alive.  A year or so into it, I was sitting with a friend in front of the school realizing: I really don’t want to be a doctor.  The next day I switched to Film Production / Media Studies Major.  Luckily, I already did all the hard requirements so I spent the rest of the college years invested in a subject that was of interest.

While still acting in numerous student projects, and fully enjoying it, I couldn’t admit that I liked it.  Flashback to a moment my uncle told me I was someone who constantly asked for attention.  Needless to say, I tried to tame that part of myself with all my might. I succeeded, in part, because I really stepped into the “behing the camera” personna and enjoyed it.  Even when I worked on 2 film projects after college, I closely worked with actors and was often asked to go in and be in the scene.

Hitting a dead end, in a way, shortly after college and graduate school when I was completely out of money, near expiration to my student visa and in absolute solitude, invested more in my eating disorder than anything happening around me, I took my first transformational class.  It made sense as I was already exploring yoga before that, but sitting in a weekend class with 100 other New Yorkers, I really got to see: I made everything up.  Things are not at all the way I see them.  People in my life maybe judged me, but that still wasn’t enough of a reason for me to react to that judgement and live my life to please them.  Little by little, I started reflecting on my whole life and numerous decisions I made as a child or young adult which prevented me from living my life fully self expressed, passionate and present.

Thanks to this work and my consistent expansion, I have created such a beautiful life: family I adore, business I am proud of and space for myself to heal all the broken pieces I felt I carried inside.  All along life was happening and I felt like an actress playing her part.  In fact, all that film and acting training I got in college came in handy with the transformational personal development work I was doing.

And then, out of the blue, as I was judging bad acting on one of the TV shows I was watching, the voice inside of me was nudging me to explore why I can be such a judgemental bitch at times.  Reflecting back, speaking to my husband who is likewise a coach, I realized, I may have given something up a time long ago afraid that I would never succeed.  This hit me as a ton of bricks because, honestly, I am already pretty busy, I don’t just raise my children, coach people and write, I also sing, draw and do yoga to name just a few favorite things…and yet, I could no longer do nothing about it.

That’s the thing with transformation, you reach insights that don’t even seem like a good idea. As someone who does her best to walk her talk, I at least have to lean into these insights and give it a shot. And that is how I ended up in an advanced acting class, feeling so humbled, shy, really dealing with the knowing that I don’t really know.  Sometimes, regardless of how masterful we feel we are in one area of our lives, it is when we explore the unknown that we learn the depths of what we are really made of.

Sharing this to see and ask if there are dreams you put on hold or set aside? Are you willing to maybe take a class or explore leaning into it even a tiny bit to see what you learn about yourself?

As always,

with gratitude for reading,

Marija

You Are Exactly Where You Need to Be

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Ever catch yourself being  hard on yourself?  Expecting you have done more, better, different?  Feeling like you “should” be elsewhere instead of where you are right now?

I think it’s a common thing for people because despite my knowing better, I still experience it in my life. And with that knowing that we are exactly where we need to be, my mindset shifts and has been shifting lately in discovering the body of work I have done in my life time.  And trust me, it is a body of work, I am not  being pretentious.

You see, before I became a US citizen last year, and a legal resident in 2011, I have been struggling to belong living in New York and doing  all kinds things to make my way through college, graduate school, leadership programs, spiritual work: Reiki Master program, Vipassana mediation retreats,  Sivananda Yoga… I have been continuing my education just so that I can live here and have been told by so many kind older people that there was a light in me I often failed to see myself.  Somehow not having my green card in my hands, money in my account or anything published except for my Master Thesis, made me feel that none of the work I’ve done mattered.

Unlike today where we can zip everything into a digital file and have virtual instead of physical clutter, I carried some of my drawings, video tapes, keyboard and art supplies wherever I went.   At some point, in my anger around things not working the way I wanted them to work, I even  burned all my journals I have been writing since I was 8.  Also, the pictures from Disneyland from when I first came to USA as an exchange student where I was 30-40 pounds heavier than now (and heavier than when I was pregnant with either of my children), were lit on fire, because I didn’t want to remember myself in that way.  In short, I stripped all the fat from what I was doing so that I can be free to live and move and make sense of who I was and what I was doing next.

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I look at people who are influencers nowdays, and ,without calling any names because I believe it is their  right to do as they  please, I  wonder, why  is so much of what I see created today  lacking real substance and real content.  We didn’t have access to internet and technology that allows you to make  a movie  on your  actual  cellphone, so even praciting our  craft was far more expensive than it is today.  Which meant, we were often silent unless there was  something important we wanted to say.

That said, I do think there is a beauty in the way we grew up.  I think that my generation and those who came  before us are here to preserve the soul of humanity.  As much as  everything  is moving to this work on a  fly and embracing  our imperfections,  I think people  are having a  harder time creating a real connection and anxiety is running rampant.  You have to be able to create connection in reality and be at peace with yourself before you can  ever do that online.  Nothing will ever come ahead of human touch,  ability to be with  another, enjoying the nature and experiencing real peace.

And while I look through all my work that has survived my moves, decluttering frenzies, self-criticism and just mere convenience, I am certainly reminded that I carry a message for people who are still able to appreciate the work I do with each person individually.  I think there is a lot for us to learn and I am a fan of  technology but I definitely believe that we need to continually work on our relationship with ourselves and connection with others.

Don’t Wait for Signs, Choose Your Life

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I reached out to one of my former coaches in desperation to figure out how to go from where I was.  Namely, in the past, I always had strong ambition and there was always a very clear goal in my mind:  

  • finish school,
  • become a leader, reiki Master, practice yoga, meditation etc
  • find love, keep love, get married
  • become a mom, have another child
  • Get my residence, citizenship 
  • Move to Montreal, move to the beach, move back to New York
  • Build my own business, create my own course 

Those are big goals… Achieving them had me feel like my life hit a plateau.  Here I am, I have all of this, and now what? 

In a meantime, I turned 40.  Birthing children isn’t in an of itself a goal, it’s a gift that keeps on giving (and demeaning my energy and attention, as well as mental power).

Becoming a citizen made everything easier, but most people where I live were already born citizens so having invested my time and energy in becoming one doesn’t actually put me in advantage. That’s a privilege many were born into.

Getting married didn’t have me now hold hands with my husband all the time, it’s merely a decision to be in the same sand box of life and work through things without storming out and calling it quits every time it gets hard.  It’s a challenge to never stop growing but to keep inspiring another person to grow with you and not apart.  It’s not a destination, it’s only a beginning.

All of this lead me to the question I was wondering lately that had me reach out to so many people I thought could help me figure it out:  what do I do now?  How do I combine all my talents in one thing I can always do, knowing I am in the right place at the right time? Who can I be now that I am all these things newly, a wife, a mom, a business owner and someone with big desire to create works of art? 

In my long winded letter to my former coach, where I just let it all hang, I expressed all my past fears, current limitations and palpable desires for the future.  I was pretty ashamed of sending that email at the end, but she was gracious enough to respond.  And this is what she said:

It sounds like you are having trouble making decisions, afraid that you will make a wrong one.  This must be impacting your life greatly and I think, given you want to  be free, you would want to resolve it

This happened weeks ago.  Despite knowing better, I always take things  personally at first. It’s my automatic, so often when I react to something strongly, I give it time.  As a personal coach myself, I was wondering, how in the world did she see that in what I wrote.  She was right and yet, I had no idea which part of what I wrote to her in that long saga triggered her to write what she’s written.

And then, suddenly, it hit me:  Everything we do in life is a choice, conscious or not.  If there is something we don’t like, we get to choose to change it, otherwise, whether consciously or not, we have chosen to tolerate it.  There is no truth about what each of us should or shouldn’t do with their lives.  Sure, some people are clearly talented for music, for example, so it is logical for them to invest most of their time and energy in that, but most of us other mortals, what we do and how we spend our time is really our willingness to do one and not another.  There is no innate truth in each choice, every one of the choices we can make has pros and cons, so trying to decide from the perspective of what is easier or better is really not the best way to use our mental capacity.  

Instead, we get to choose.  We get to declare: I am going to take on X and Y and not Z for the duration of time and I am going to give it all I got.  The moment we choose, and declare, giving it all is not a matter of our feelings anymore, but our integrity.  And yes, there will be ups and downs but if we have given our word to something, then that is where we play.  

I thought about this and then “OMG”ed myself realizing I was waiting for something outside me to give me signs, to show me the way, to approve of one thing I do against another, or to give me a perfect cocktail of coaching and art and healing things that I do so I can be satisfied and proud. I realized, there is nobody coming, nobody will save me, nobody knows it better than me and even better: I don’t know it either.  It isn’t about knowing, it is about  what I am willing.  

I hope this makes sense and a difference for you.  Perhaps take a pen and paper and write down your bucket list, write your desires out, put black on white what it is you want to accomplish and then pick the one you are willing to put effort in and keep on keeping on until you are satisfied and ready to choose something else.  Don’t wait for signs, choose right now!!!

With love and light

Marija

Give Women Some Room to Breathe

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US Open, Serena Williams, everyone is talking.  I didn’t watch the game so I had to research it and see it from a different angle to see if things add up.  Surely, she is being seen by many now as an entitled brat.  In her mind however, she is a victim of sexism and unfair ruling.  Where do you stand?

I will say right away that I don’t care to be right.  I will share my view so that it’s there and so that it can validate all the women out there that may feel the same. Here is the thing:  Serena broke rules.  She said she didn’t cheat though her coach admits to giving her coaching during the game, but she did slam the racket (which is a violation to the integrity and professionalism of the game) and then insulted the umpire by calling him a thief.  The first time I watched it, I cringed, thinking: Oh my goodness she is losing it and it doesn’t look pretty.  But then I watched it again, and again, the longer version, the in betweens and here is what happened:  my stomach started to hurt, I began to curl up and cry feeling anger and defeat.

My point is not that she is right, but my point is that it’s hard for a woman to be a woman in the world we live in.  Yes, there are rules and we must follow them but here is the deal: these rules are not made with us in mind.  Serena is 37, she had a baby a year ago and she is probably completely hormonal.  She must be dealing with what it takes to bring up a child in this world, what it is to be black, what it is to be a champion and how to do the rest of her career given all the difficulty that we experience after birth (and from following her IG story, I know she almost died).

Why is it that “emotions” run so much in our lives and yet we have to “keep them in check.” I know some men can read this and say, “well, we do, because that is what being an adult is like,” but I beg to differ.  It is not easy to keep your emotions in when your hormones are running the show and when the world you live in, fundamentally, doesn’t give you space to express what you feel.  I have experienced this time and time again and unfortunately, more from other women than from men.  Somehow, when we “lose it” we seem like we are not in control and that is bad…and yet, the whole world wants us to be vulnerable, to give up control, to be flexible, to be good moms, to be good at what we do etc.  I get it, Serena broke the rule, but in my world, she broke the silence of those of us who suck it up and try so hard to live in the world where being who we are is not accepted.  And I admit, when a woman has charge on something, she does seem crazy and disconnected from herself but I also know that the only way out is not trying to tame her crazy but validating how she is.  Those that are smart enough to honor the space we are in will help us see more clearly and we will calm down.

Here is one way to see it:

“The feminine’s moods and opinions are like weather patterns. They are constantly changing, severe and gentle, and they have no single source. No analysis will work. There is no linear chain of cause and effect that can lead to the kernel of the “problem.” There is no problem, only a storm, a breeze, a sudden change in weather. And the bases of these storms are the high and low pressure systems of love. When a woman feels love flowing deeply, her mood can instantly evaporate into joy, regardless of the supposed reason for the mood.” ~ David Deida

 

Again, I am not going for the right and wrong, I am just simply sharing as another woman who can see Serena’s storm just as a storm.  It is sad that people comment that she lost her grace.  This is a woman that won in Australia while already pregnant and wants to continue to create legacy.  It is unfair to blame her that she overshadowed another woman’s win.  She didn’t do that, we did that by looking at what she did with judgement and not empathy.

Her coach is right when he said in an interview: why is it a big deal that people show emotion on the court when that emotion is real.  Emotion is energy in motion, if we let it be, it will pass, but when we judge it, punish people for it, then we add mass to it and then that energy doesn’t flow freely, it gets stuck.  That is what happened in the game.  Serena was accused for cheating and she wanted to set the record straight.  Finding the wall instead of attentive listening, her emotions escalated (this can happen to anyone, let alone a woman who just became a mom), and after that we knew this wouldn’t end well.

Part of me wishes she could “collect” herself, but a big part of me is grateful for the dialogue that will follow as the judgements resurface for us to clear so we can begin to honor people for who they are, giving them space to have an emotional response especially when they were done wrong.

Serena, and all the women out there that struggle to keep it together, I feel you ❤