I was blessed to have been pregnant twice in my life and to have had both of my pregnancies result in healthy boys I am now raising. Some women were far luckier than me being able to carry full term, to enjoy their pregnancy and feel good throughout it. My children were both born before their due date, my second even stayed in NICU for 2 weeks before coming home (it’s a story for another day).
Some women, on another hand, are not so lucky. They miscarried many times, couldn’t get pregnant at all, had to deal with IVFs or adopt to fulfill on their desire to be moms. Others were clear they didn’t want the responsibility of raising humans, or the timing or whatever it would take for them to remain pregnant. They should have their desires fulfilled just the same.
As someone who was pregnant twice, here is whatI can tell you: no matter how much we intend, how healthy we eat and exercise, and how much we want to be on our best behavior, we really don’t have control over how our pregnancy will go. It’s a very humbling process and it helps to do our best, but it is, otherwise, completely out of our control. Pregnancy and motherhood are the ultimate exercise in surrender. To dictate what another woman does with her body, to tell her and punish her for what she should or shouldn’t do absolutely violates her human rights.
My first pregnancy was far harder than the second and in large, it was because how I related to the whole process, everything being new and me being unprepared. I had to get naked and open my legs to be looked at so many times, it was a lot to handle. In fact, the first time I had my ultrasound done, and heard the heart beat, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, my life was beginning to be more about this new life I was carrying and for which I now had to sacrifice. I felt so much shame for having to be looked it so closely that. when the doctor left the room, I just leaned on my husband and cried.
My second pregnancy was far easier, I have done this transformational program for women which allowed me to appreciate women’s body so much more. Over the course of weeks and months in #sisterhood, I was able to shake off my old relationship to myself and my body and build a new one, the one of adoration and respect. It was million times easier to have exams as I no longer cared who could see me naked. However, this way of seeing it took a lot of work on my part.
I think the whole culture of mothering, as being a sacrifice, comes from taking women’s voice from them, judging us for the essence of who we are and wanting to control us. A turned on woman is a whore; an independent woman is too much, and a shy one doesn’t get what she wants, to mention just a few labels.
While every pregnancy, whether it results in child birth, miscarriage or abortion, completely impacts our lives and the system at large, especially when unacknowledged, women are not factories and should not be treated as such. No women should be forced to carry pregnancy she doesn’t want, whatever her reasons. In meantime, for those inspired to save childrens’ lives, do something to end shootings in American schools and about men who harrass and rape women with little or no punishment.